13.1.08

Thank you

I had a real lapse in faith a few weeks back with serious doubts and questions arising, and even beginning to struggle to believe much anything that Christianity had to say to me. Been up and down since I first wanted to be a Christian, but this was certainly the lowest down point. So after talking to my dad when my family came to see me, I felt much more encouraged and I decided to start really trying to read the bible regularly and pray. I have been doing this for the past week, for about 1 or 2 hours a day and taking notes of things that are applicable to life working my way through the New Testament. It has been helping massively actually trying to study the word and not just aimlessly reading it through and I have come to love reading it with time passing very quickly while I do.
Today I was reading Hebrews for the first time which was basically addressed to Jewish Christians who were thinking of reverting to the old Mosaic laws of the Old Testament or thinking of combining Jewish teachings with Christianity.
I got to chapter 2 and jotted down verse 10, and then carried on reading down the page until I came to one line that hit me extremely hard. The chapter is about how Jesus calls those who believe in him brothers and family, and this particular verse read:

"Here am I, and the children who God has given me".

As soon as I read this, for the first time in YEARS, I literally started crying! I couldn't help it at all, and as I read further down the page I barely dared to look at the words because new tears would stream down my face! Bear in mind I was in one of the classrooms and there was a girl behind me studying so there I am blowing my nose and wiping tears from my eyes. I couldn't stop crying for about 20 minutes, and I could barely read two lines at a time without blurred vision returning. I have never felt like that before and I am usually very sceptical of people who say they cried or had a seizure or something like that, but this was very real to me indeed.
It literally was just me realising how much of a MASSIVE sacrifice Jesus made, and I dont think people can appreciate that at all until they have tried to understand it with some effort, because this was like a curtain being lifted from me. I can't understand where the love comes from and why he would do something like that, i literally couldnt comprehend it and kept thinking 'why would he do all this for me!?' Anyway, never felt anything like that before and I just want to encourage people to look into it all and dont be passive because nothing comes of it. I realised how hardened I am to it all and today just gave me a glimpse into his love and sacrifice which I have never seen before. Take this from someone who was ready to give up on it all about 2 weeks ago.
The full passage which just encapsulates it all for me is Hebrews chapter 2 from verse 10 to 18.

So seek and you will find, it just takes time!

7 comments:

  1. Happy you are finding your answers mate.

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  2. Hey Jin,

    It's really surprising how an enlightening thought or realisation of something can bring such strong emotions to the surface, you may recall me having a similar experience that I described in that email a little while ago... I really didn't think I could cry just by thinking about my views of the world and my beliefs but I did.

    I'm personally not a Christian or follower of any other religion but I fully support and wish to encourage your journey down that path Jin, it seems to be doing amazing things to you and your life.

    Think of your previous question of faith as simply a test that you had to endure, and simply by sticking with it and trying even harder to understand things, you were rewarded and encouraged further.

    Good luck with everything and I look forward to seeing you later this year my friend, enjoy your solo travels!

    -Blane

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  3. Anonymous11:26 PM

    Horus of Egypt born December 25th, performed miracles, called the Lamb of light, performed miracles was resurrected in three days like many other avatars; Mithra, Krishna, Attis, Dionysus, king of kings, alpha omega crucified. All had 12 disciples and the sacred day of worship was sunday. Scientific explanations… The Solar Messiah myth is represented with God’s sun who moves along through the 12 houses. From Pisces to Aquarius. The Apocalypse. End Times misinterpreted. Holy Ghost immaculate conception virgin birth all relate to sun worship.

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  4. Hey Julian,
    I like your openness and honesty - very refreshing, great read. Sorry to hear you went through a bad patch, but sounds like you have had a very special revelation. Perhaps you needed that "down" patch to fully appreciate that passage about Jesus' sacrifice.... I have never yet experienced what you have - only witnessed in other people; sounds very special and an important part of many people's faith. Sounds like He provided just when you needed it....in many ways:) Don't ever wander alone - you have loads of people to sound off & give you what you need (as you indeed found in your family!)... sometimes unexpectedly. You just have to seek, and you will find:) Happy travelling and love reading as ever:))) rach

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  5. Great to see other traceurs also interested in subjects of the like. :)

    See you around,
    Yves

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  6. Anonymous8:42 PM

    Hey, its Ilona, just wanted to say, you are doing something totally amazing and it really inspires me, plus looks like gr8 fun!! Here is 'my' bible verse, hope it encourages you like it does me. (I'll allow you to use it....but only for a wee while =] ):
    Jer 1:4-10
    "Then the word of the LOrd came unto me saying, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Then said I, Ah, Lord God! Behold I cannot speak: for I am a child. But the Lord said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak...V9 Then the Lord put forth his hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said unto me, behold, I have put my words in thy mouth. See, I have this day set thee over the nations an over the kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down and to destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant."
    oh man that was v long!! em p.s. the Parkour thing is amazing, wot group are rapping on your video? byeeeeeee

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